The Orgasm in the Ordinary
Here’s a question: What if the way to have great sex and the way to have a good life followed the same principle?
While I am no Tantric Sex guru I have read and studied and trained enough to know that basically the kama-sutra-all-night-long-bliss-fest all boils down to this: learning how to feel more and more subtle tremors of pleasure.
As our bodies become more and more sensitive the sensations that barely registered before become veritable earthquakes of good feeling; the ecstasy that we used to associate only with the briefest moment of climax becomes abundantly available throughout our lovemaking.
It turns out great sex isn’t about getting really good at what we’ve always been doing but rather learning to become present to the things that we were conditioned to ignore or speed right past.
The more I teach about practical enlightenment and how to have a direct experience of Truth in our regular lives the more I find myself talking about what I’ve learned about how to have great sex. Because it really is the same thing.
I lived 30 years of my life in pursuit of the climax I thought was the whole point of life. It took different forms and I am sure it does for other folks too: The right relationship, more money, bigger muscles, positions of power, etc. And so I sped towards the destination. I invested all my energy and time and life blood in the hope that it would give me that sense of well-being and peace I most dearly wanted. I literally did not see or sense anything else.
And, well, you know… it’s just like sex. Sometimes you get there and sometimes it’s good … But then it’s over and you are right back where you started.
And sometimes you don’t get there. Or sometimes you do and it’s not that good.
And after a while you might start wondering if there might be another way because climbing to the top of the mountain over and over again for mixed or fleeting results sure seems like a lot of effort for not much gain.
It seems to me we have two choices. One is to try and find a way to stay at the top of the mountain the next time we get there. Good luck. I gave that three decades of my life. If there is a way then it seems to be for someone more skillful or spiritual or powerful than I am. How about you?
The other is to experiment with the possibility that we are literally swimming in an ocean of well-being we thought we needed to climb the mountain to get. Again, it’s just like tantric sex.
At first you don’t feel anything. You get bored. You might even get angry. You want to go back to climbing mountains because at least that felt like you were getting somewhere. But because you are stubborn, or faithful, or just exhausted by mountain-climbing, you decide to hang with it a little longer…and there it is. A flash, a glimmer, a spark. You feel something. And that one spark keeps you going til another one comes and then another and then another.
And this is the beginning of a wild ride of experience that just gets more and more wonder-full as you go. It’s just like life. In each crevice and crack of the present moment there are tremors of well-being and peace. One day you may find yourself at the top of the mountain or you might find that you have wandered off the path to the summit completely and that’s just fine too.
How? How do we learn to attune to what we used to ignore or race past? Here are three keys that have helped me:
First, learn to be in relationship with what is really going on in the moment. How? By simply starting to notice what the most conspicuous sensation is in your body. The tingling in your chest. The tiredness in your eyes. The clench in your stomach. Miracles happen when we don’t judge our sensations but simply feel them. Say hello to the sensation that is here. There is always something. Go ahead try it right now. Breathe into it and out of it. Repeat.
Second, cultivate gratitude for the small things in life. Try this: take a piece of paper and write “Thank you for _______” and find some part of your life you are already grateful for. Then write another sentence on the next line. And the next. Keep going until you can’t think of anything else. See if you can fill a page and if you can fill one then see if you can do two. It doesn’t take long. Do the same thing the next day starting from scratch. Your experience of being alive will be different if you do this for a week straight.
Third, listen to your life. Every day ask yourself “what gave me life today?” and “what drained my life today?” Start recognizing the events, people and projects that give you life and the others that drain your life. Make choices that reflect this knowing and allow your experience of being alive to steer you into greater and greater joy and freedom.
Learning to live is a lifelong journey. I haven’t yet found the end of it. I hope I never do.
If you are interested in living yourself into a new way of thinking please check out my free course on practical enlightenment
Originally published – https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/04/what-tantric-sex-can-teach-us-about-living-a-good-life/