Dear Men: The Revolution of Truth (and forgiveness)
There is an epidemic of violence that men have been visiting on the world for centuries now. We have got to come to grips with the fact that men have been the agents of violence and destruction the world over. I know we don’t want to go out like that. That’s not our best. Let’s do something different!
If you missed the call to revolution – here it is.
If you missed the first step of friendship – check it here.
Next step: finding our way back to truth. Notice that relationship and friendship with other men comes before truth. The demon of isolation and loneliness is what gives rise to the untruth. This is important.
I was on a phone call with an old friend last week. I told him a truth about my life that I had been avoiding for months, so scared he would reject me. As it happens, he revealed to me a similar heartbreak in his own life. I was the only person he had ever told. The darkness lost its power and we both stepped into freedom.
Men, we gain access to our hearts by reclaiming our relationship with what is so. There is something alchemical about orienting to the truth. Looking for it. Wanting it. Knowing it will set us free.
This is not about morality. To hell with morality. This has nothing to do with being a good person. That’s a trap. This is about freedom. And, it is really scary. The truth frightens me because somewhere I believe that the truth will disqualify me from what I want most – to be safe, to be loved, to belong.
You see, we were all taught to abandon the truth. At some point in our childhood we got the message that we needed to be different in order to be loved and get our needs met. Parents punished or withdrew affection, teachers gave us bad grades, or peers shamed and mocked us and some of us got straight up abused. Bottom line is that we got the lesson: the truth of who we are is not okay. From our innocent understanding, truth = pain.
So we begin to abandon the truth. The serpent of unconsciousness tells us that we can be safe just as long as we never go back to being who we are. We begin to misrepresent who we are in an effort to get our needs met and never feel that shame and pain of rejection and loneliness ever again. It’s a powerful enchantment but it is a lie.
Men, the truth is that we are scared of feeling the sadness and grief of rejection and loneliness. For me, instead of feeling this pain, the serpent of unconsciousness and I created castles of untruth. And, from the seeds of this untruth I grew violence.
I have transmitted my pain to others and to the Earth and my own tender heart. I have betrayed the trust of those I love. I have judged others mercilessly in order to feel superior. I have hurt people with unkindness. And all the while nothing would work to free me from the anguish I felt inside – the belief that if anybody really knew me that I would be alone. I left the truth of who I am and began living and speaking the untruth in my life.
Men, I hear the same story from so many of us. We need to find a way back to truth. We need to admit we feel scared, sad, and alone and learn to stand in that feeling. And when we do we realize that we are not alone; that we are all connected in this struggle. In my life I see again and again that the truth brings me what I most want.
The truth is what allows us to claim masculinity back from the shadows of violence and oppression.The truth is what gives us our power, our sovereignty. It gives us the strength to actually see what is in front of us and respond with wisdom and clarity. It gives us the authority to lead from the heart in a way that holds space for the feminine power of life to heal and re-create our broken world.
I long to be trusted once again. Don’t you?
The diabolical situation we have today is that men don’t tell the truth. Politicians don’t tell the truth. Bankers and corporate executives don’t tell the truth. Marketers and advertisers don’t tell the truth. Reporters and journalists don’t tell the truth. You and I don’t tell the truth. We live in a culture of lies and secrets where we can’t even see much less lead. In order to lead we must be trustable. In order to be trustable we must live in the truth.
The revolution is fueled by you and me choosing to find our way back to the truth and opting out of this culture of lies. We start with ourselves and our brothers. That’s always where it starts.
Revealing the truth is an act of tremendous courage. It is healing in and of itself. Why? Because, the same culture and conditioning and family that shamed us for being ourselves, coercing us into lies, also told us that “good boys tell the truth” so we can never even admit that we are in the untruth without feeling more shame. That is a Grade A mind-f*ck. So we start by forgiving ourselves.
That’s where the truth begins – with forgiveness. We see that as children we didn’t stand a chance and we had to think quick to preserve some emotional vitality. We forgive ourselves and each other and with that spaciousness we can get even more committed to taking back our lives from the serpent of unconsciousness and all its lies.
We aren’t telling the truth to be good, we are telling the truth to be free. We start within. And, remember, this is way easier with other men to support, guide and fight against untruth by our sides.
Reach out, men, and tell someone the truth today. Post a comment. PM me. Tell a friend. Risk it. Create a world with one less lie. Freedom awaits.